Love Problems
by Phindar
Summary: Mostly Xelha. Because Fadroh sucks. Really quirky pairings. No slash, though. Yet.
1. Never be lying to the Great Mizuti

_**Love Problems-**_

_**a story in many parts**_

part 1- never be lying to the Great Mizuti.

Xelha stared out at the stars passing by. Though she loved to travel on the Mindeer, she couldn't help but be terribly preoccupied. She wasn't sure that she could save Kalas before he was totally consumed by the devastating evil of Malpercio. Worse, she didn't think that any of her traveling companions could ever fully trust her again. After keeping secret the fact that she was the queen of Wazn from them, who knew what else she could have hidden?

She had taken off a glove and was chewing on one perfectly manicured nail when Savyna came up beside her. The huntress regarded her coolly for a moment, hands on hips, before speaking.

"What's wrong?"

"Umm...nothing..."

"Don't give me that. I have never once seen you bite your nails. Something is up."

"Well..."

The Great Mizuti floated in, head propeller revolving furiously.

"The Great Mizuti be wondering if you be having love problems."

"No. I'm just a bit nervous."

"YOU MUST NEVER BE LYING TO THE GREAT MIZUTI! THE GREAT MIZUTI BE KNOWING EVERYTHING!"

Mizuti made a move for her deck of Magnus.

"Oh, all right," Xelha sighed. "Yes, I do have love problems. Happy?"

"The Great Mizuti knew it! The Great Mizuti knew it!"

Lyude stepped through the door, narrowly missing Meemai. He looked around the room, rather puzzled.

"Why is the Great Mizuti dancing about in little circles?"

"The Great Mizuti has been victorious," Mizuti explained.

"At?" he inquired.

"Xelha be having love problems."

"Lyude doesn't need to know that," Xelha protested, colour rising swiftly in her cheeks. She played with the Ocean Mirror for a while.

"Oh, I see it now," Savyna grinned. "It's Kalas, isn't it?"

"What makes you think that?"

"We've seen the way you get when you talk about him. Don't lie to us."

Lyude, Mizuti and Meemai skipped around Xelha in a little circle, poking her repeatedly.

"Xelha (poke) has (poke) a (poke) crush (poke) on (poke) Kalas, Xelha (poke) has (poke)..."

Here they were stopped because Xelha hit Lyude with her staff. He hopped about in a square (purely for variety) for a while, screaming and clutching his fingers, then went to seek medical attention from Gibari. Mizuti followed.

_has anyone else noticed that everybody pronounces "Malpercio " differently? Bizarre._


	2. Get with the program, Xelha

**Part two- get with the program, Xelha!**

_since I didn't do an explanatory note last time, here's one now. This is sort of a peaceful, meandering tale in which I play out my little fantasies with Xelha and Lyude while calming down after fighting Fadroh (grrr). Fadroh makes me sick. "Corrupting Light" is really quite awful and as of this point I have not beaten him. He's killed me at least seven times. So this bit, and the last, is Xelha fleeing the Alfard Empire because she saw Fadroh's grotesque transformation and ran. Yay._

When Xelha and Savyna were completely sure that the rest of the party was safely out of earshot, Xelha quietly admitted, "Actually, it's not Kalas I like. There's someone else..."

"So why go to all the trouble of rescuing him?"

"To save the world from Malpercio. And, because I love him..."

"Ah, so you admit it."

"No, I do not admit it. What I was going to say was that I love Kalas like a brother. That's it. Complete and total end of story."

"You love him like an insanely evil, traitorous brother?"

"Yes, that was what I meant."

Savyna chuckled a little. "Well, if it isn't Kalas, then who do you like?"

Xelha looked around to make sure nobody was listening, then whispered, "Lyude."

This time Savyna cackled. She was incapacitated for several minutes, bending over and laughing hysterically.

Xelha stiffened. "It wasn't really that funny."

"I know that," Savyna gasped. "It's just that... you two... would make a cute couple."

"What do you mean?"

"You're perfect for each other. Two heroic, righteous world-savers- it just works."

So that's how you see me, Xelha thought. She wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not, but at least Savyna trusted her. She hoped.

She turned away from Savyna, and whispered to her Guardian Spirit, Releé, "Is that how you see me, too?"

_Sort of._

Xelha was a bit snubbed, but got over it.

_Wait a sec! Do you want to have something to hold over Savyna's head, besides the whole "Lady Death" thing?_

"Yes..."

_Then why don't you ask her who she likes?_

"Good idea, Releé."

"What do you mean, good idea?" Savyna questioned, a little puzzled.

Xelha simply grinned evilly.

"Oh... NO." protested Savyna.

_Make her confess, Xelha! Make her confess!_

"Don't you and Gibari have a "thing"?"

"No. He's nine years older than me."

"You and Giacomo?"

"Same answer."

Xelha sat down on the rail and pondered.

"Your great plan is getting me nowhere, Releé."

_Oh, it is getting you somewhere. Now you know that she doesn't like Gibari or Giacomo._

"So who does that leave?"

_Isn't it obvious?_

"No."

_Think of Imperial-types Savyna's age._

"I don't get it."

_Does the name "Folon" ring any bells?_

"But didn't we kill him?"

_That's what you think._

Savyna just stared at Xelha, who seemed to be having a conversation with thin air. Finally she remembered that Releé had attached herself to Xelha after Kalas's betrayal, so of course this whole thing was perfectly normal.

Xelha finally grinned, getting it, then asked Savyna, "Do you like blue men?"

"Wha? Oh, umm..." she blushed.

"That would be a yes."

Eager to change the subject, Savyna asked, "So why are we flying away from the Imperial Fortress instead of towards it? Shouldn't you, perhaps, be rescuing Kalas?"

"Er... ask Gibari. He's flying this thing."

Savyna threw up over the railing. The vomit landed on a little fishing boat below. Miffed, the fisherman shook a fist and yelled curses at the Mindeer.

"Good to see you, Reblys!" Gibari called down good-naturedly. They sped away from the scene.

"Apologies," Savyna croaked. "I've never been good with flying. Used to bug the hell out of my superiors..."

"We don't really need to hear about it."

_All right, Xelha. Enough fooling around._

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

"I didn't say anything," snapped Savyna, who was feeling rather poorly.

"Well, I wasn't talking to you."

"Good." Savyna left to get cleaned up and maybe have a catnap.

_Now that we're alone..._

"Yes?"

_If you truly love Lyude, why don't you do something about it?_

"I would... except, what could I do?"

_Use your Gods-given talents._

"I don't think I have any talents that could possibly help me with this."

_For heaven's sake, Xelha! Flirt, woman, flirt! _


	3. An Awkward Reception

**part three- An Awkward Reception**

**meanwhile, back in Wazn-**

"Quick! Quick! Hurry up! Queen Xelha is returning and you're sleeping on the job!"

"But we've been working day and night ever since she left!"

"You haven't been working hard enough. Get on the ball!"

"Yes'm."

As usual, Barnette was playing slave driver to the citizens of normally peaceful Cursa. The ice sculptors, the fishermen and even the little snowman-building children were enlisted, all to create one thing- a huge ice sculpture of Queen Xelha in a heroic pose. Meemai would be nestled in her hood and Savyna, Gibari and Lyude would be groveling at her feet in miniature when the statue was finished. They had completely forgotten about the Great Mizuti

The statue already towered over Kaffajidhma, and, when finished, would probably be visible from Komo Mai.

**on the Mindeer-**

"You'll just love Cursa this time of year," Xelha explained to Lyude. "There are streamers and pretty little coloured ice sculptures everywhere. And you can buy ICE COOKIES!"

Ooooh, ice cookies, thought Gibari.

"It does sound rather nice," Lyude agreed. "Perhaps I shall enjoy it."

"Sounds like a Komo Mai knock-off to me," Savyna grumbled.

"Well, for one thing," defended the blonde, "there aren't kooks dancing around wherever you turn."

"The Great Mizuti be wondering what be defining a kook."

"One whose ideas or actions are eccentric, fantastic, or insane."

"Then, might not the Great Mizuti be a kook?" the Child of the Earth countered.

"Well... Good point. OK, royal decree- nobody must let me call anybody a kook from now on."

"Hold that thought," Lyude interrupted. "Was that tall thing there last time we visited Wazn?"

"Could be a new addition on Kaffajidhma," Savyna pointed out.

"I don't think so," Xelha said, with growing apprehension. "The architects designed it so if it grew any taller it would promptly shatter. It's perfect as it is."

"Then what is it?" asked Lyude. "Is it an ice sculpture?"

"Maybe..."

**Wazn-**

"A toast! To Queen Xelha the Wise!"

"TO QUEEN XELHA THE WISE!"

At long last, Xelha's statue was complete. A banquet was held in celebration which all of the citizens were invited to. It was unanimously decided to add the title "the Wise" to Xelha's name. After all, she was smart enough to run away from a battle she knew she couldn't win, which is true wisdom.

The statue had been polished and draped with garlands, and Wazn's army were in their dress uniforms of blue and silver, standing at attention below Xelha's towering figure. Their commander marched back and forth before them, barking orders-

"Do you pledge to forever serve Queen Xelha?"

"WE PLEDGE TO FOREVER SERVE QUEEN XELHA!"

"Dude, she's only seventeen," one young soldier remarked to a comrade.

"SHUT UP, YOU!" snapped his commander.

**the Mindeer, at Cursa's port-**

The party arrived in Cursa in the highest of high spirits. Gibari had sung dozens of loud, sometimes downright offensive Nashiran drinking songs the previous night and was now humming one under his breath. He had been rather moody and was wondering what was going on with Anna when he borrowed Xelha's staff to stoke the fire and had accidently poked his deck of Magnus instead. It had all turned to Beer cards.

"Odd," had been Xelha's only reaction.

So now, other than nursing a slight headache, which an aspirin Magnus could probably cure, Gibari was back to his usual perky self. And headaches weren't that big of a deal; all they did was screw with Spirit Numbers anyway.

The Great Mizuti was skipping along happily, oblivious to the fact that Xelha was fiddling with the birdie that normally rested on her head.

"Oh my God!" Xelha squealed. "Your birdie is so CUTE!"

"The Great Mizuti be thanking you. It be a Mohawk Birdie."

"What makes it a Mohawk Birdie?"

"It be having a mohawk."

"Oh."

Walking normally, Savyna enjoyed the feel of Wazn's bitingly cold wind on her skin. Most of the places she'd been lately were either tropical or just too damn hot. She simply couldn't bear Azha's lava caves, even in her leather leotard-like garment.

Lyude was trying to gather up the courage to compliment Xelha. He thought the blonde was very pretty but was still something of a coward with women.

He finally went over to her and said, "Your hair looks very nice today. Did you do something different?"

"Well, I..."

Their conversation was interrupted by a loud fanfare.

"BOW BEFORE THE QUEEN OF WAZN, PATHETIC IMBECILES!" shouted a general. "GROVEL! HAVE YOU NO IDEA HOW TO TREAT ROYALTY?"

The party stood around, looking confused. Nobody really knew how to grovel. Lyude had been taught when he was in the Imperial army, but had fallen out of practice since then. Savyna's superiors had always been scared to death of her, and Gibari was on a first-name basis with most of the rulers of the islands. The Great Mizuti had never been forced to grovel, seeing as she had only met the rulers during a council of war.

There was an awkward silence.

"Um, they're with me," Xelha finally explained to her subjects.

"Ah, yes," the general said, having calmed down somewhat. "I see. I recognize three of them from the statue, but not the propeller-headed one."

The Great Mizuti tossed about her spiked ring for a while, saying, "The Great Mizuti be wondering which statue you be talking about, sir."

"That one, over there." He pointed.

Xelha fainted dead away at seeing the titanic likeness of herself. Savyna spat on her cowering twin, saying, "I don't grovel and my butt is not really that big." Gibari quickly used Whirlwind Hit on his piece of it to destroy the evidence. "Piece of crap done by amateurs," he muttered. Mizuti had nothing to say.

And Lyude? He didn't even look at the statue, knowing that it would bring only pain. Instead, he dosed Xelha with Wheat Crackers and a Large Shish Kebab or two and called for medics to take Xelha to her rooms to recover.

"Lyude certainly has a clear head," Savyna remarked.

"Yes, the Great Mizuti be thinking so too."

"He'll be a good match for Xelha."

"WHAT DO YOU BE SAYING? THE GREAT MIZUTI BE THINKING THAT SHE WAS AFTER KALAS!"

"Well, apparently the Great Mizuti is wrong."

_If I spelled things wrong, let me know. Kaffajidhma is a tough name to get right._

_Also, the "Mizuti had nothing to say" thing is a reference to Worms 3D. My little brother named a worm Mizuti... Had a whole team of BK guys. Xelha tends to get blown up the most often._

_Still haven't beaten Fadroh yet, but I am hoping that will change. Yep. But not in the near future as I am scared to death of him and don't really have enough healing stuff yet._

_How long does it take for a Peach Boy to become a Wonder MOMO?_


	4. Send in the Clowns

_It's been a while since I wrote the last chapter. So my writing style has matured a lot and gotten more angsty, plus I've actually finished Baten Kaitos. Logged over 100 hours on it- I'm quite pleased with myself. So it's a bit weird going back to that crappy time when Kalas wasn't in the party. Anyway, I'll do my best._

_Disclaimer- I don't own anything and there might be some profanity, plus spoilers._

_Here we're finding out what's going on with Kalas._

---

Melodia draped herself across the throne, painting a toenail. There wasn't much to worry about- she had a giant-ass ressurected god to protect her and the Raven as her flunkey.

"Kalas, would you be a dear and fetch the nail-polish remover? I've got a smudge." She pouted a bit to further illustrate her plight.

Kalas, who wassitting on the windowsill amidst a pool of glittering white feathers, nodded. "Of course." He strode off to Melodia's rooms to fetch it, shoes clacking on the metallic floors.

Melodia grinned. "That's my little lackey." She stretched out, yawning a little. It was just so..._boring_ around here lately. Kalas didn't seem to be as energetic- feisty- as he was when she'd first met him.

---

Kalas looked around in Melodia's room. Which bottle was the nail-polish remover? There were just so _many_ of them. He rifled through some sparkly crystal flasks, bored. The world-domination plan had seemed okay at first, but now he was reduce to simply fetching and carrying for a spoiled heiress.

He paused to look out the window. How long had it been since he last saw Xelha and the others? He remembered her mounting a bluish white dragon as she'd escaped from the Imperial Fortress, but that was it. And the warm, tickly voice of Relée in the back of his mind, gently advising him about what to do- and Savyna.

Oh, did he miss her. She was just so COOL. And pretty. And aloof. And- gods, she was freaking Lady Death! He'd forgotten about that. She could never like him- the way he liked her. Morosely, he grabbed a bottle of Mountain Apple Wine from one of the shelves and sat down on Melodia's bed, the soft blankets folding around him. He screwed the top off (Melodia may have been Duke Calbren's niece, but she was too stingy even to buy proper corked bottles) and took a swig, thinking of Savyna's beautiful tail feathers.

---

Melodia sat up after some time. The smudge had long since dried, but she had other things to worry about. Where was Kalas? She had sent him off to fetch the nail-polish remover, but he hadn't returned. Poor bastard had probably got lost or fallen in a toilet or something. Even magically enhancing him with the End Magnus didn't make him any smarter, she feared.

Pouting (she had to get her quota for the day in) she slid on a fluffy white slipper, then the other, then padded off to fetch the magnus-born youth. Sniffing at her own lack of forethought, she thought of all the other times she had sent him to get stuff. She always ended up having to do it herself.

When she got there, she was too late- Kalas was asleep on her bed, empty bottle of Mountain Apple Wine in hand. She sat down beside him, smoothing his blue hair from his face. He really was pretty.

Then she screamed, "WAKE UP!"

He sat up and looked around. "Wha...? Why have I got this headache? What am I doing here?" Then he saw Melodia (frowning) beside him on the bed. "Oh... uh... I couldn't find the nail polish remover... so I got sidetracked... and..."

"That's alright, I understand."

He sighed with relief. "Oh, that's good."

"NOW FIND ME THE DAMN NAIL POLISH REMOVER!"

---

After that was cleared up, Melodia sat while Kalas fixed her smudge. Fitting penance, she thought. After having the nerve to...

He looked up from her toes. "I feel like a pickle."

She handed him a Deluxe Pickles magnus.

"No, I feel like a pickle. You know when you order a Pow burger and you get those hot, ketchupy pickles in them that you don't really want all that much but you eat anyway because they're a part of the burger? Well, since I was a part of Xelha's party, I still had to go everywhere with them. And people put up with me, because I was Gibari's friend, or Mizuti's comrade, but nobody really seemed to like me for me. Like a pickle."

Melodia hugged Kalas's blue head. "Aww, po' baby. Muffin."

_Filler until I can think of something better. Sorry for the disappointment. At least I updated._


End file.
